I'd like to do more than survive, I'd like to rub it in your face

I'm tired of fake friends. Stop acting nice to my face and turning around to talk shit about me to my own fucking family. Apparently every last bit of the little energy I have left is not enough.




I thought we were grown-ups. It's not cool.

Chad's in jail...again.

For the same old shit.

I guess some people will just never learn.

Is it sad that when I don't hear from him for a few days I INSTINCTIVELY check the online inmate booking list to see if he got arrested again?

Correction:

Deedra IS coming out with us weeeeeeeee!

Tara takes way too long to get ready and I wish Deedra wasn't sick so she could go out with us. Sad :(

Ever feel yourself TOTALLY attracted to someone even though you know it is WRONG WRONG WRONG? Dammit this sucks. Bad Shauna, bad! for even THINKING about that!

So my weekend was going really well...Friday night I went to the movies with Mike and got shitty drunk in the theater before passing out on his couch, and last night I was at a pimps and hos party(where I looked SUPER hot as a ho) and met a lot of hella cool people. Work today was lame, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. After I got off work, I called my mom...and that's when she dropped the bomb: my grandma passed away on Friday night. It happened while she was sleeping, so we didn't know it happened until my aunt went to her house to check on her today after no one heard from her all day yesterday. It would have been one thing if it was something I expected...but no one would have thought she'd go so soon. To be honest, I thought she was healthier than I am at age 20. But it was a complete shock to me, so I had no way to prepare myself to grieve the loss of yet another person I was close to.


I've always felt sorry for the people who hate holidays...but I'm pretty sure that from now on I will always feel a void because the person who was the center of the family will be missing.

Fuck that shit.

How dumb do you think I am?

Open showing for the UO dance department is on Thursday.

I don't think my ankles are up to it.

Damn you, cankles!

My lit paper is finally done, with an hour left before class starts. Damn, I'm good.

It is so cold today.

My fingers are numb and I don't like it.

That was the girl I used to be

I didn't think you had it in you, but now you're lookin like I used to

And now you want me back, because YOU CANNOT HAVE ME!

people say the most awful things to the ones they claim to "still love."

Some people will do ANYTHING to get their way.

Closer to closure
So Take this out of me
Take anything you want
Cuz I'll still bleed, I'll still breathe
Fading thinner but still it's haunting me
I can't find the words to say to the angels
That took you from me

But three words, three words
My oxygen's gone

I can't sleep, I can't eat
I cry out to God just to hear me
It's another day still the same with all my pain
Not yet, not yet break me from these visions
Not yet, not yet it's too soon for you

I'm choking from knowing the love you've given me
It's hard to believe what I see is no dream, it's no dream
And I'm drinking and sinking, still it's haunting me
I medicate my fears with more beers and more tears

My oxygen's gone

I can't sleep, I can't eat
I cry out to God just to hear me
It's another day still the same with all my pain
Not yet, not yet break me from these visions
Not yet, not yet it's too soon for you

It's too soon
For you
It's too soon
It's too soon
For you

My oxygen's gone
It's too soon

I can't sleep, I can't eat
I cry out to God just to hear me
It's another day still the same with all my pain
Not yet, not yet break me from these visions
Not yet, not yet it's too soon for you